The weeks after newyear I’ve taken leaps in my progress towards a normal life again. The healing process was so slow last year that it felt like I would never come back to myself and the life I had pictured and planned for. But suddenly I found that I was able to be more stable at work, the schedule was working, and I started feeling a bit more alive again. There’s such a difference between feeling alive and existing. So I got eager and excited to see just how far I had come. Hence testing out skiing again and not resting as much as before. What I probably didn’t realize was that the reason for the progress was partly all the treatment I was getting, working out, resting and the balanced level of activity. At least I didn’t appreciate how important all the activities in my schedule was to keep me on the right path towards healing. So when the whole family was struck down by the stomach flu, and I wasn’t able to get to my physical therapist for a couple of weeks, I didn’t think about the fact that that meant I had to take a couple of steps back until I was back on the schedule that had helped me get to the point I was at. I still went skiing, I worked longer days, I didn’t get treatment and I hadn’t been able to work out like I’m supposed to. To add to it all I had a lot of back to back meetings at work, causing me to sit a lot of the workday. Yep, it was recipe for disaster.
Yesterday I felt like shit. My back hurt, my leg was constantly giving me a bad time with intense pain from the nerve and spasms throughout the day, I was falling a lot because my balance was off and sitting down at work made me nauseous and dizzy. It was a shit day, and I beat myself up about it because I knew I could have avoided it had I just listened to the signs my body had been sending me the last few weeks.
I don’t know exactly what it was that turned my mood around, but after a session with my therapist I felt totally different about it. This one sentence ran through my head again and again; You can’t rush your healing. It was just so obvious to me that that was what I had done, but after therapy I didn’t feel that I had failed anymore, just that I had understood something about how I have to attack the situation henceforth. I can’t rush it. I just have to give it time, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. And I have to take time to do all the right stuff, the things that have worked this far. Appreciating that every one of them are important for me to get better.
So today my body still feels like shit, but I know that I just have to rest and listen to its signals and I will feel better again. And next time I won’t let it come this far.
I’m going to update the portfolio later today. Looking forward to sharing some shots!