Healing update

I made tonjelilleaas.com because I wanted to share some of my shots, but I initially had not planned on starting a blog as well. One of the reasons I ended up blogging was that I found myself in a challenging situation and wanted to journal and share my process of healing from my back injury. I find that writing about the process helps me think the long thoughts, connect the dots and keep on moving in the right direction.

The last few days I’ve had real trouble with my back and right leg again. It seems like I’ve been set back months when it comes to pain and falling a lot due to my right leg not carrying me. It’s a bit upsetting to be honest, but I try to just push through the pain. I know I will get better yet again, I just have to go through a rough period now I guess. Have to hike uphill to enjoy the view and the ride back down, right?

I still go to physical theraphy regularly, and I think we’ve made some break throughs the last month or so. The therapist found that my pelvis probably has been out of alignment since the accident where I injured my back, and helped me adjust it. This has done a great deal for my ability to sit without pain and has also helped on the spasms in my leg.

I also keep on meditating, working out with redcords, walking, hiking, doing stretching exercises and some other exercises to improve movement and general strenght.

Last week I did a stretch that left me with a lot of well known shooting pain along the L5/S1. It was manageble, but come Friday I was hardly able to move due to the pain. I tried to walk it off over the weekend, and it worked to a certain extent. But after celebrating 17th of May (more on that in a later post), or actually after preparing for it, I woke up with a massive back and leg pain on Wednesday. Wednesday was total rubbish, I fell several times during the day, my leg was hurting and cramping and I really just wanted to escape everything. So the family went for a walk in the woods.

Being out in nature is what I find most healing by far. I don’t know how to describe it other than I feel like a totally different person when in nature. And Wednesday was no exception, that walk in the woods made me feel like I am still free, not locked in some shitty body that keeps me from doing what I want and being who I want to be. And it got me to work the rest of the week, which doesn’t hurt.

Looking back a year or two I see that I’ve come quite far. I’m able to do so much more now than right after the injury. I get to spend much more time outside, I’m able to contribute more and I’ve come a long way in accepting that life will be something a bit different than I pictured some years ago. For instance, life contains a lot of falling. Sometimes a bit embarrasing, but that’s that.

What I need to focus on now is lowering my stress levels. I’ll post more on that some day later. I think nature is key here as well. And being able to take in all the love from my family without feeling I’m not worthy because I don’t contribute as much as I would like to.

And I’m getting back biking some single track this summer. I still have to be me.

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